next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
