Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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