two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
