awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
