i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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