non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
