Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
