If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
