He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
