and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize