my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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