he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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