Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
