yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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