That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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