okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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