She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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