cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
