I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
not ubering you a puppy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
