I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
