Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
