I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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