***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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