I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
