You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
