In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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