Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
