and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love having hate sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
