once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
