Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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