End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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