i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize