Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
