so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
