my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
