I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
