I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
