im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
