just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
