Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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