Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
