Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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