I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
