I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
