when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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