you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
