She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
