9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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