He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I could make wine with my vomit
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize