I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
