AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
