Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
