Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
