You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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