are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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