I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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