just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
