I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
