I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
