I want to walk on stilts...naked
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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