i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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