K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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