Having a random hookup so left but love u
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
