I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize