all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
