were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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