Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Say something about gay babies.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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