when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize