put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
